03 - Is Anybody Out There?
.
When we last left our intrepid hero, he was face-down, but
not quite in the gutter (we’ll save that for later). Don’t worry, though. He
had a plan.
.
“Where is that Gawd-Dammed Resident?!?!?”
.
“Someone,” he thought, “should be along any time now …”
.
He sat at the bottom of the steps, pondering a scheme to get
out of his predicament. Someway, somehow, someone (or some thing) would come to
his rescue.
.…or just maybe that dumb piece-o’-wood would just sit and rot..
02 - A Beech Birth?
.
A stiff, slender tip broke through the shoddy packaging of
some incompetent eBayer. Luckily, it was just a hand. Our soon-to-be-hero
would be more than happy to show us other parts of his anatomy later on in the story.
.
“Praise be to Allah for all these packing bubbles!”
“Praise be to Allah for all these packing bubbles!”
.
Our intrepid voyager couldn’t free himself. Dauntless, he wriggled around like an impotent teenager on top of his prom date in a back seat on a hot summer night.
Our intrepid voyager couldn’t free himself. Dauntless, he wriggled around like an impotent teenager on top of his prom date in a back seat on a hot summer night.
.
“Too….much…friction…”
“Too….much…friction…”
.
…that’s what she said.
…that’s what she said.
01 - A Decent Sized Package
.
An otherwise ordinary day was made extra-ordinary by the
arrival of a plain white box. The adage “big things come in small packages” was
about to be proven true.
.
“Don’t just sit there like rotten turds! Somebody get me out
of this goddamned thing!”
.
Finally, the voice in the box took matters into its own
hands. With a few shoves and grunts, the package tumbled down the steps to the
ground below.
.
“Son of a freakin’ bitch!”
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