08 - Leave That Thing Alone

07 - Pablo Picasso Was Never Called an Asshole

06 - Easy Like Sunday Morning

05 - The Morning After

04 - Here Comes the Night

03 - Is Anybody Out There?

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When we last left our intrepid hero, he was face-down, but not quite in the gutter (we’ll save that for later). Don’t worry, though. He had a plan.

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“Where is that Gawd-Dammed Resident?!?!?”

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“Someone,” he thought, “should be along any time now …”

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He sat at the bottom of the steps, pondering a scheme to get out of his predicament. Someway, somehow, someone (or some thing) would come to his rescue.

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…or just maybe that dumb piece-o’-wood would just sit and rot.. 

02 - A Beech Birth?

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A stiff, slender tip broke through the shoddy packaging of some incompetent eBayer. Luckily, it was just a hand. Our soon-to-be-hero would be more than happy to show us other parts of his anatomy later on in the story.

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“Praise be to Allah for all these packing bubbles!”

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Our intrepid voyager couldn’t free himself. Dauntless, he wriggled around like an impotent teenager on top of his prom date in a back seat on a hot summer night.

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“Too….much…friction…”

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…that’s what she said.

01 - A Decent Sized Package

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An otherwise ordinary day was made extra-ordinary by the arrival of a plain white box. The adage “big things come in small packages” was about to be proven true.

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“Don’t just sit there like rotten turds! Somebody get me out of this goddamned thing!”

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Finally, the voice in the box took matters into its own hands. With a few shoves and grunts, the package tumbled down the steps to the ground below.

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“Son of a freakin’ bitch!”